Jack

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday. Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

I haven't updated in a while. I've been thinking about using this journal for transition purposes, documenting and whatnot. But my mother bought me a journal so I've been using that instead... I just wanted to say hi to all of my fellow livejournal peeps and see how you're all doin'. Update me plz!

skins.
possibly the best show i've seen in a long time.

anyone else familiar with it?

"If I could ever meet the right sort of girl. Aw, where you gonna find her? Somebody that's real. Somebody that's alive. They don't come that way anymore. Have I ever thought about it? I've even been sucker enough to make plans. You know, I saw an island in the Pacific once. I've never been able to forget it. That's where I'd like to take her. She'd have to be the sort of a girl who'd... well, who'd sit on the shore and admire the beauty and love it as much as I did. You know, nights when you and the moon and the water all become one. You feel you're part of something big and marvelous. That's the only place to live... where the stars are so close over your head you feel you could reach up and stir them around. Certainly, I've been thinking about it. Boy, if I could ever find a girl who was hungry for those things..."

This is dedicated to my wonderful girlfriend. This girl is amazing...and people like her only come around every once in a blue moon. She's so rare. She's a pearl. My beautiful pearl.

I love you, Jossieeeee. :)

i dont know why i'm doing this after being away from here for so long.

i dont know what to say to you really.
but i hope that you're ok and things are going well for you.


"I'm writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person even though you could have...I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist."
The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 I have mono.

So....

Goodbye LJ for at least a few more days.


Until I'm at least 90% better.


BUT.

I haven't forgotten you all and miss you.

I have amazing conversations.

And I want to share parts of them so I can remember them. nder- me  onaut- the best friendddd, sam



nder: i miss driving you to school... have i ever done that? i think i did once.
nder: welllllll i miss having the possibility of doing it
onaut: omg are you serious? loooollllll
onaut: "well i miss having the possibility of doing it" rofl
nder: i tried opening my mouth for 2 secs to see if my mouth would freeze but it didnt lol
onaut: typical alex thing to do...
onaut: Uh-duh lemme see if mah mouth will b frozen duuuhhh I'm alex uhhhduuuh I'm gonna be a senior till I'm 60 duhhbadahh

-a million seconds later-

nder: yeah! i'm psyched
onaut: More like psychotic


then a few days later.

onaut: he's straight. but i'm gonna make him gay.
nder: typical sam thing to do...
onaut: typical alex joke that he thinks is funny, which reallyyyyyy isn't
onaut: lmao <333

I haven't updated in a while and I figured now is as good a time as any.

So much has happened over the last few weeks.

Backing up:  As far as my transition goes, my father's girlfriend supports me.  I find it somewhat ironic that she is being so supportive. I'm not complaining because I need all of the support I can get.  One thing that makes it ironic is that she is an assistant at a hospital and seems to have somewhat of an understanding for the struggles that people like myself may face.  Anyway, I guess support systems vary but in my opinion, what she does for a living has added onto her understanding. Nonetheless, the fact that she is being understanding to start with, is good.  

However, my dad is a different story.  He supports me being gay.  But he does NOT support me being trans. Neither does my mother (as you can tell from my last post).  So, basically, long story short, I'm losing my parents in this process.

A person I care very deeply about said, "I care about my parents in the generic 'i love you because you're my parents' way, but not in the 'I love you and I'll talk to you soon' way.  What she said reflects my position with my parents.  Different circumstances same conclusion.  I find it kind of odd how the fact that I'm losing my parents doesn't bother me.  It makes me take a step back and think, "Wait a minute. I don't miss my parents? I don't need my parents? What kind of kid says that about the people who gave them the gift of life?"  But the truth is, while I'm thankful that I'm living, life is the only thing that my parents have ever given me and life is the only thing that I need.

Despite whether they are in my life or not (which, at the moment, they are not), truth be told- I could care less.  Sometimes it scares me how calm and collected I am when such an important relationship hangs in balance.  I am calm and collected because I grew up seeing what kind of people they were.  Although I have not lost them yet, I have already "left" and gone through my mourning period.  Bring it on, bitches. =P

Now onto a happier subject, I started working for a company called the Zales Corporation.  I originally applied for a seasonal position and was put in charge of selling jewelry.  I'll admit, I applied for the job at first because there was an attractive and friendly lesbian working there (and no, I was not hoping to get laid).  What could be better than hanging out at a low-key job in a judgement-free environment with 2 hilarious girls, and get paid for it?

As time went on, I found out that the girls I work with are 1) very nice 2) very funny 3) very patient.  Plus the job itself isn't bad at all, it's actually something I enjoy doing compared to my previous jobs.  I've been kinda depressed the last few weeks and one of the reasons was that my position at work was only seasonal.  However, today changed all of that.  I got a call from my boss and she said that they wanted to hire me for a permanent position as a Sales Associate.  My whole life changed when she said that.  For once in my life, I've got the opportunity to have a job doing something that I absolutely love.  Pretty damn exciting, I'd say.

Oh, and also, before I end this post, I also want to share how my weekly appointment with the psych went.  We met yesterday, for the 2nd time.  I believe I will only need to see her for 2 months and then she will write a letter to get me started on transition.  I see her once a week.  So, if my calculations are correct, since this is the 2nd week of the first month, I am 1/4 of the way into the process.  It's exciting to think about that.  It's been going by so fast too!  I highly recommend the lady that I speak with, she's very nice.  The only thing that kinda stinks is that there are a lot of awkward silences.  I'm a shy person and perhaps she can see that but she's a bit on the shy side too.  I feel awkward a lot of the time when I run out of things to talk about... it seems silly how I would be visiting her to talk about myself for an hour and yet have a problem doing so.  I guess I'm just not one to talk about myself unless someone asks me a question directly.  During one of our awkward silences, she turned to me and said, "I don't have the authority to give you hormones, I can only write you the letter that enables you to get them but imagine this scenario- if I had hormones to give you, would you take them right this minute?"  I replied with, "Definitely. I would take them in a heartbeat.  Once I go forward, I never go back."  She smiled.  And I smiled.

I hope she's not just dangling a carrot in front of my face.

That's all for today, folks.

This morning, I woke up to a telephone call.  A call that I have been waiting my ass off for, mind you.  Prior to it, I had been trying to contact Dr. Ralph Vetters (at the Sydney Borum Health Ctr, Boston) and he had always been horrible at returning my calls.  I can't blame him, I never talked to him personally, I was always left with no choice but to leave a message with a receptionist. Who knows if the messages got to him?  Anyway, I was calling because the first step of my transition process was to be put on a waitlist to be evaluated and wait for a call.  I have always been eager to find out what my status was due to the fact that MONTHS went by before I even heard anything.  I finally managed to reach him at some point last week and talked to him for a little bit.  I believe this was on Tuesday (Nov. 13, 2007).  He had mentioned that the day before I called, he had a meeting with the board and Psychological Evaluators.  He is such a kind man!  After I told him that I still hadn't heard anything, he replied with, "Wow. I'm sorry, Alex. This means I have to go upstairs and stomp my foot. You should have gotten a call a long time ago. This is annoying for the both of us. You'll be getting a call soon."

And,
he was right.

I got a call.
Finally.

He mentioned during my very first visit, in September, that I'd most likely be able to start testosterone by the end of this year.  It's November.  Granted, I still need to get evaluated and "approved" (lame), this particular health center has a reputation of moving quickly. I'm under the impression that the common routine of 3-month counseling is not an issue with this place. He winked and said after the 2nd evaluation, there is a possibility I could get my first shot.  Well, however things end up going, whether it ends up being a short or long process, as long as it BEGINS, I'll be happy.

I'm excited because this means that I'm that much closer to becoming the person that I know I am.

It's real.
It's happening.






And I'm looking forward to it with a big smile.

 you cant plant a field with one grain
nor can you have rain with one droplet

a glass that is transparent
in front of others I cant be seen
a mere smile my heart craves
but my voice is drowned and lost

louder i become when no one's here
i get all that my heart shall want
but is it only when sun is asleep
and the night becomes so still and silent
that my shadow fades and i appear?